A reader asked me the following: “You keep referring to Fear as our basic negative emotion. I have always thought that anger, resentment, guilt, and self-preservation were the primary emotions we had to contend with. Will you please comment?”

Another good question. Thank you.

In Alcoholics Anonymous I learned that fear stood for Future Events Appearing Real. That’s always been a good definition for me. In A Course In Miracles (ACIM) I also learned that all my future apprehension and dread came from mentally reliving my selective memory of perceived past events. I was just bringing my remembered past into the present and treating it as my present – my Now.

I also have learned that fear underlies all my negative emotions. I have heard many stories of 12-Steppers who, like me, after completing a fear inventory, began to understand the reason they had been so angry for so long was because they were so full of fear.

From Robert Perry, [Glossary of Terms from A Course In Miracles, Circle Publishing, 2005, pp. 32-3] writing about Fear: “Rather than being the initial cause of other emotions, fear is the end result of a chain of emotions and contains implicit within it all the emotions of the chain: First, we feel anger, which is expressed in attack. Then we feel guilt, for we interpret our attack as [self-centered preservation – and, if really religious, will call this “sin”]. Then we fear the punishment and death our guilt says we deserve. Out of our fear, we then attack in [perceived] self-defense, and the chain starts over. Fear is the ego’s essence. The ego must cause fear to perpetuate itself….”

Whether it’s anger, resentment, disappointment, not-getting-my-share, guilt, rationalization, vulnerability, worry, or apprehension, behind each of these feelings is Fear. If I could impress upon each of us one exercise that could begin to liberate us, I would suggest we train ourselves (through repetition) to say to ourselves: “Behind this emotion is FEAR. Instead of attacking or blaming someone or something “out there” for “making me feel this way,” I will ask myself: Why am I frightened? What am I fearful of?”

Trust me when I tell you this has been a constant exercise for me lately – between COVID-19, worrying if Trump is re-elected, worrying if Trump is not re-elected, worrying about the economy, worrying about potential class or racial warfare, as exhibited in the George Floyd demonstrations and the Government’s reaction to them. Sometimes I want to blame. I want to rationalize my feelings of [whatever] as being fully justified. I want to convince myself and anyone around me – and God? – that it’s normal and understandable to feel the way I feel. After all, feelings are reality ... aren’t they? ... especially when everyone around me seems to be feeling the same way.

My fear is simply my perception in my self-created world.

Love and Acceptance and a knowing of Oneness – these constitute TRUE reality. So, acceptance-love-oneness is the opposite of fear – which, of course, would be the death of my ego, which I have named Felix.

When Felix is in control, I am always on the alert. I am watching for – and expecting – an attack from “out there.” To relax and go with the flow means I’m allowing myself to be very vulnerable and I will be taken advantage of. Others are also wary of me, fearful that I will take something from them or take more than my share and they will suffer. Because I believe they’re wary, I must be wary. I must always keep my defenses up and be prepared to strike when their defenses are down. It’s a constant mental/emotional boxing match. One small slip-up and – BAM! – I’ve been had. They won. I lost. Zero sum.

That style of living is really, really, tiring. It’s exhausting. To live from my egoic mind, which I thought was normal, forces me to live in a constant state of fight-or-flight. My body and my hormones are running constantly at full-speed. Between Covid-19, George Floyd demonstrations and (either liking or hating) the Trump Administration’s reaction, my body and my hormones are running constantly at full-speed. I am in a continual state of stress – and my physical health will reflect that. Living like this is abnormal!

Toward the end of my drinking, I had to have alcohol in my system 24 hours a day in order to feel normal. Every 4 hours or so, day or night, without a drink would bring on cramps, sweats, and shaking. It was withdrawal, although I didn’t know that at the time. All the while it never dawned on me that to live like that was very, very abnormal. I finally gave up – saying to my kitchen counter, “I can’t go on like this. I can’t do this anymore.” That very honest confession over 30 years ago was the beginning of my journey to sobriety, health, and my current spiritual development. My kitchen counter and Spirit conspired to take my words very seriously. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

If I am tired of living the way I’ve been living, the only change I need to make is to be willing to allow Spirit to move me from a perception of lack, worry, anger, resentment and that fundamental, onerous belief that I always must be prepared to ward off the dangers of the dog-eat-dog world I believe we live in. If I am willing, Spirit will gently move me to a perception of Love/Acceptance/Oneness which will bring me the peace the Christ promised: “Peace is my parting gift to you, my own peace, such as the world [of Felix] cannot give. Set your troubled hearts at rest, and banish your fears….” (John, 14: 27) This has happened to me. It can happen for you, too.

That’s why I look for the fear that lies behind the faces of all my varying negative emotions. And fear is always there. Spirit helps me walk through fear. I hope this helps in general. I hope it helps motivate you to register andvote.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey. Thanks for listening and, as always, it's okay to forward this, if you choose.
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Blog #2 June, 2020          
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